#8 A Recipe

I am sitting here on the couch and thinking about the Holidays and the upcoming New Year. I have decided that this new year is going to be a happy one. All of the stresses of the last 2 years have come to an end. Brennan has a good job, we are moving into a new house (next door) on Jan 1st, and we are all healthy. It is time to stop being sad about losing Michelle. I need to celebrate her life, and the memories we have and trust in the faith of being together again. There is so much to be happy and thankful for.

So my recipe for the New Year is:


A Happy Life

4 cups love
5 spoons of hope
2 cups loyalty
2 spoons tenderness
3 cups forgiveness
4 quarts faith
1 cup family/friendship
1 barrel of laughter

Take love and loyalty, mix thoroughly with faith. Blend it with tenderness, kindness and understanding. Add family/friendship and hope, sprinkle abundantly with laughter. Bake it with sunshine. Serve daily with generous helpings

I have learned that happiness is not the materials in life. Its the friendships made, the time spent with family. When all things come to an end, we start and end with family. And I am so thankful for mine!

Wishing every one a Happy New Year with much love and happiness.

#7 A Song to Match My Mood and Why

Tonight is Dec 4th. Brennan, Payton, and I are celebrating Christmas in the morning. Payton and I will be in Utah for the real Christmas and Brennan will stay here in Arizona since he has to work. I feel bad leaving Brennan for Christmas and separating our family. I am not sure if it is the right thing to do, but this year is different for my Family. This year on December 20th will be 1 year since Michelle, my sister, passed away.

  Before bed I took Payton in the kitchen, got some of my Grandmas homemade cookies, and a small handful of carrots and tried to explain to him that we were leaving them out for Santa and his reindeer. He seemed so excited!  Brennan and I wrapped his gifts and put them under the tree. Although Payton is 2 this is the 1st time Brennan and I have done this. So this year should be so fun, so exciting...

But I cant get myself in the Christmas spirit. Its sad this year. It brings back the memories of last year.

We were in Utah the secound week of November. We had a big Thanksgiving dinner that my Mom made and everyone was there. McKenzie came from Florida. I dont think we had all been together for Thanksgiving since before I got married so 7 years. It was then I saw for myself how rapidly Michelles cancer had progressed. It was horrible seeing her that way. She walked around with one eye closed since she had double vision, and had a hard time balancing. Bryan would help her down the stairs and getting her up. It seemed like sugar was always on her mind. She wanted sweets and lots of them. She had gained a bit of weight because of the steroids that she was on, and she didn't talk really at all. It was sad. It was hard to hold back the tears seeing her that way. I knew the day we left, watching her standing by the front door that  would probably be the last time I would ever see her. I cried the whole way home.

After that, my parents would keep me updated on Michelles conditions. Always telling me that she wasn't doing very good, but never giving me details or the whole story. I dont remember the date. In the first or second week of December sometime is when I got the call from my parents telling me that the Dr.'s had told Michelle  that there was nothing else they could do for her.  I didnt know what to say, I didn't know what to do. My Mom was crying and I was crying. At this point Michelle had a really hard time talking so she didnt talk on the phone much. I texted her that I loved her and that when she was ready I was here to talk. Even though I was dreading the conversation. 3 days later she called me. We had a short but sweet conversation. I told her not to give up, that there was still things we could do. I told her I loved her and hung up the phone. That was the last time I ever talked to her.

On Dec.19 Brennan, Payton, and I left for Utah. McKenzie had already been there for a couple days and had warned me that things were getting bad. Michelle had been having seizures and they were getting worse and harder for Michelle to come out of them. Little did I know that I would get there to late. She died the next day at 12:00 in the afternoon. I didn't get to tell her goodbye. I didn't get to see her one last time. That for me is so hard.

So back to the topic of a song to match my mood.....

I  am "dreaming of a white Christmas". Just like the ones I used to know... but those are gone and will never be again. I know in time Christmas will be a happy time with lots of happy memories and not just the memories of what we have lost.  I have a sweet little boy who deserves a magical Christmas and needs me. I can look into his sweet eyes and see hope and happiness. This Christmas we will have two empty seats at the dinner table. Michelle's and my Grandpas. I know they will be together this Christmas, and one day we will all be together again. And that is something to look forward to.

#6 An Animal I Would Like to Have as a Pet

Fourth of July 2 years ago I was in Sandy visiting Michelle and my Parents and we went to some kind of carnival thing. In one of the booths they were selling the cutest little things I have ever seen. They are called Sugar Babies.

These little things sleep during the day. So you put them in a little fleece purse and carry them with you. It is the cutest thing! Then during the night I would put them in a cage, but as you can see in the picture above they are able to jump and glide around. The lady at the booth told me just to put a food bowl on the counter and let them glide around the house all night. I just dont think I can do that. I had bunnies that I thought would be fun to just hop around the house and I learned that animals dont really care where they poop, and it is nasty. I dont need anything else pooping where ever it pleases. So for me my little sugar baby would have to stay in a cage.
These little animals were $200, not including the "purse", food, or cage. I told Brennan that I wanted one. He was not at the booth with me when I saw them. He said  NO WAY!!! So I took him to the booth to see them and then he of course wanted one too!!!  We were at that booth for a good 15 20 minutes before my Dad dragged us away!
Even though I do still want one of these sugar babies, I dont want one any time in the near future. I have enough to take care of right now. I think this will be a good idea when my kid(s) are older and dont need me for so much. I learned from the bunnies that the 3 dogs I have a more then enough!

#5 A Picture of Me 2 Years Ago

This picture was taken 2 years and about 2 weeks ago. I had just had Payton 3 months before and we were visiting my family in Utah. This was on a Sunday, the day after Payton was blessed. He looked so cute in his little outfit. I will always remember how proud I was of Brennan for giving Payton his blessing. He was so nervous. He did a great job.

I look at this picture and cant believe how fast time goes by. So much has happened in just 2 years!

Brennan works at the Kingman jail as a detention officer. He also has a upholstery business that has been open for about 2 years.  He never has time for himself. Constantly going from one place to the other. Trying to get a few hours sleep here and there, and still making time to be with Payton and I. We have a great life and I know it is because of all the hard work Brennan does for us. I am so grateful.  

Payton is no longer my little baby, he is now a little boy. Having him in my life has brought me more happiness than anything else I will ever know. I love watching him learn and grow. Figuring things out and seeing that to every action there is a reaction. I see so much of both me and Brennan in him. He truly is the best of both of us.

I also have come a long way in 2 years. I still don't know what I am doing most of the time as a mother and wife, but I am hoping that I see my mistakes and learn from them. To me family is the most important thing in the whole world, and I love them so much. I love the song "Life's a Dance" by John Michael Montgomery the chorus says:

 

Life's a dance you learn as you go
Sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow
Don't worry about what you don't know
Life's a dance you learn as you go 

 

I don't know everything, and I know it's okay. If I have learned anything in the last 2 years it that life is precious. Be with the ones you love and always let them know you love them. Life is to short not to be happy. Don't always focus on what you don't have. Think of all that you do have.

 

There is so much to be grateful for!

 

 

#4 20 of My Favorite Things

20 of my favorite things.... (Not in any order of importance or  most favorite)

1- Snowbird, Utah. Look forward to it every year
2- Sleep
3- Back massages. Even though I think it is a rare occasion that I even get one.
4- Candles and melts ( Especially fall and Christmas scents)
5- Shopping
6- Being tan. Even though because of recent events being tan is something that I love and also fear.
7- Being a Mom
8- Cooking. Something that everyone loves... or should I say being appreciated for my cooking.
9- Cuddling on the couch watching a movie and if it makes me cry that is even better.
10- The smell of coffee in the morning. (Nobody in my house drinks coffee, but when I do smell it, it brings back all the memories of growing up and smelling my Dad's coffee. I love it. I have bought coffee scented candles, but it is not the same.)
11- Seeing Brennan and Payton after a long day of work.
12- My Moms buttermilk pancakes.
13- Hearing my sons voice
14- Shopping in the malls at Christmas time. I know most people hate it that time of year, but I love the crowds, the music, the smells... Just everything about it!
15- Blankets
16- Belting out one of my favorite songs while driving in the car, with Brennan singing as my back up! I love that! I am sure we could win Americas Funniest Videos if someone taped it with out us knowing.  Our favorite song is"Why haven't I heard from you" by Reba.
17- Having a clean house. (Not just picked up)
18- Zumba-( just recently)
19- Seeing my family after missing them so much!
20- Reading a book by Nicolas Sparks

#3 My Best Friend

When I first saw this topic I started to wonder who my best friend was??? I thought of Lindsay, my best friend since I was a little girl, I thought about my Mom, or sister McKenzie. I also thought about my sisters-in-law Meagan and Devan. Then it hit me...

HELLO! What about my husband?!?!?

Brennan IS my best friend with out a doubt. No question in my mind. He is the one person in this world that knows me better than anyone else. Sometimes I think he knows me better than I even know myself. He has always been there for me. In the good times and the bad he is always there with a listening ear, and a shoulder to cry on if I needed it.

I am so grateful for Brennan in my life. He has worked so hard for our family. He is the best father I could ever ask for, a role model, and my hero. Who could ask for a better best friend?

I LOVE YOU BRENNAN!

#2 How my day was today.

So how was my day today??? Well it was just about the same as everyday, except for 1 thing. I woke up with sore calves! Holly cow!!! Last night My sister-in-law had me go work out with her. She goes to Zumba classes and I decided to go. It was my first time and I loved it!!! I didn't know what the heck I was doing, but it was fun and I decided even if I dont know the dance JUST KEEP MOVING and I did!


Have you ever seen the movie "House Sitter" with Goldie Hawn, and Steve Martin. Well in the scene when she decides to go to a dance class it shows every one dancing in perfect sequence, everyone in rhythm, and knowing the dance, then it show Goldie Hawn... she is just out of control not doing anything the rest of the class was doing. Eyes closed, swinging her arms in the air, and legs going wild.  The whole class stops and just stairs at her while she keeps dancing away.  Well that was defiantly me! Except for the class coming to a stop, but I guarantee they defiantly noticed me.  At one point we were all in a circle going one way then turning around going the other way, and of course I went the wrong way, running into another girl causing a "traffic jam". I am sure my sister-in-law wished she could tell everyone "Who is that girl, and who brought her here!", but she didn't and she even wants me to go again. Ha!

So I woke up with sore calves and went to work, came home, ordered Chilies to go, and now waiting for Brennan to bring it home so we can put Payton to bed and cuddle on the couch and rent a movie. That is, and will be the rest of my day!

Thank you for reading, see ya next time =)

#1 15 Facts About Me

Here is my first post for my 30 day challenge. Although this post does not require a picture I just wanted you to know that I figured out how to put a picture on here so don't worry for future posts!  Thanks Amy =)


So to the facts:

1- I can usually figure things out once I start playing or messing with it. (Like posting pics!)
2- I am not a baby person. My baby is a different story, but put a puppy and a baby next to each other and the puppy will win every time, unless of course it is my baby, or a pit bull.
3- I would do anything and everything for my family.
4- I love Dr. Pepper
5- It drives me crazy if I don't have lip gloss. I put it on as soon as I get out of the shower, and re-apply all day up until I get into bed.
6- This last year has been the hardest in my entire life!
7- I would love a big family
8- I don't eat a lot of red meat, but love a cheeseburger or steak every now and then.
9- I am a popcorn snob! Pop Secret Home Style is the only way to go... now that Orvil discontinued my cheddar pour-over. (Boo)
10- I love my husband. Being together for 10 years we have changed. We aren't the same people that we were at 16, but hopefully it is for the better.
11- I hate my feet.
12- I wish I lived closer to my parents
13- I am usually always right. Brennan might not admit to this, but he knows its true.
14- I would rather sleep than eat.
15- I think about my sister Michelle every day

So there it is 15 facts about me. Maybe you already knew some of them, and maybe you learned something about me. Either way thank you for taking time to read my blog.

30 Day Challenge!

I was reading my friend Shannons blog and she had this 30 day challenge. (Reading her blog by the way was one of the reasons that I now have a blog. So thanks Shannon! )  I decided this would be a good way to let people know more about me.  I am not sure what to write about on here, so this in a way is a cheat, until I can figure out things on my own.  I am tweaking it a little. Instead of writing every single day for 30 days, ( I am going to try, but I know it wont happen) I am going to have them be my next 30 posts. Working 30 hours a week, being a mom and  wife take up a lot of time so 30 days in a row is not something I can commit too. You will see in the list below 30 topics that I will do in order and I wont skip any even if I want to. I haven't figured out how to post pics on here yet (in a blog post) so I am going to have to figure that one out. If anyone can tell me I would really appreciate it and it would save me a lot of time!

Here is the list:

1. - 15 facts about you.
2. - A photo of yourself and a description of how your day was.
3. - Your favorite photograph of your best friend.
4. - 20 of my favourite things
5. - A photo of yourself two years ago.
6. - A photo of an animal you'd love to keep as a pet.
7. - A song to match your mood, and why.
8. - A recipe 
9. - A photo of the item you last purchased.
10. - A photo and description of what's in your makeup bag?
11. - A photograph of the town you live in.
12. - A TV show you're currently addicted to.
13. - Something you don't leave the house without.
14. - A photo of something that makes you happy.
15. - Something you crave a lot.
16. - What's in your purse? 
17. - A photo of something that means a lot to you.
18. - A photo of somewhere you've been to.
19. - A picture of you last year and now and how have you changed since then?
20. - Your worst habit
21. - 5 of your biggest pet peeves
22. - Your celebrity crush.
23. - Something you could never get tired of doing.
24. - Your favourite book
25. - A photo that makes you happy
26. - A photo that makes you angry/sad
27. - Your dream house
28. - An art piece (drawing, sculpture, painting, etc) that means something to you.
29. - A song that makes you cry (or nearly)
30. - A photograph of youself today + three good things that have happened in the past 30 days 

Ok I will start this tomorrow. (Hopefully) And anyone that is really reading this I am sorry ahead of time. I am a random person ( I was told this  today by a co-worker. Julio) and I am really doing this blog just to get stuff out there. I might have opinions that aren't popular or that you dont agree with, but this is my blog and my opinions. The good thing about writing a blog is you have no idea who is reading this, if anyone, and I am able to write things and get them out there and feel better for doing it. I am not political, so I wont be getting into that, but I am opinionated and I believe what I believe. 


So...consider yourself warned!!! Haha =)

My Biggest Weakness

This might sound stupid to some of you. You might think that this isn't that big of a deal, but my biggest weakness is Dr.Pepper! I love it!!! I really don't think I can live without it. Besides the 9 months I was pregnant I don't know of a time that I didn't drink it. The only reason that I didn't drink it at all when I was preggo was because I would throw up every time I drank anything carbonated. It was a good thing though and I was glad I wasn't drinking it. I told my self that I wouldn't ever start drinking it after I had the baby. We would have pizza and Brennan would get his soda, and I would have to get water. REALLY??? People are not suppose to drink water with pizza. It should be a rule! There are certain foods that should require you to drink soda when you eat them. The problem for me is I would rather drink my Dr. Pepper then even eat food! It is that serious. So obviously after having Payton, Dr. Pepper was back in my life.  I wake up wanting it. I have a strict rule that I follow of no soda until 10:00am. After that you can be sure that I will have my favorite drink in hand.

I know that it is full of sugar and caffeine and its not good for you. I am sure that if I didn't drink it I could weight 100lbs, have better skin, and feel better. I rationalize that it is all I have. I don't drink coffee, alcohol, or tea. I am not a fan of milk YUCK, and water is just so boring. Trust me I really want to like water. I try and try, but it just doesn't do it for me.

So why is it a big deal that I am drinking Dr. Pepper? Well Brennan and I have been trying to get pregnant and it just isn't happening for us. It took me almost 2 1/2 years to get pregnant with Payton, but I don't feel like we were really "trying" like your suppose to. I quit birth control and that was it. It happened when it did. After having Payton I decided it was the birth control that made by body take so long to get pregnant, so I decided I was not going to go back on it. Well Payton turned 2 in August and still no other baby. The Dr told me last January at my annual check up that I have secondary infertility, and that there are things I can do to help me get pregnant. I told him I would think about it and left. I told Brennan in Sept. we would actually start trying and see what happens before I start taking any pills that will result in a "John and Kate plus 8" situation. Well still nothing.

I read online that too much caffeine could be a reason for infertility. The caffeine prevents an egg from implanting in the uterus or something. So now I am trying to quit my habit, and be healthier. It is just so hard. I know it will only take a couple days and it wont be so hard, but until then it seems impossible!!!

My name is Megan and I am addicted to Dr. Pepper    

So now I have a blog

Lately I have been reading a lot of my friends blogs, and I am hooked! I have learned things about them that I have never known, and I feel so many emotions while reading. I have decided to try it for myself. I am no writer. I am a bad speller, and really I am not very interesting.
I have gone threw a lot in the last couple years and I guess this is the best way for me to write down what I am feeling and get things out. I am not good at expressing my emotions and I feel like I let things build up. (Although I am sure my husband would disagree!)
I have been married for 8 years now. I was told I was getting married way to young. I didn't listen. I was in love. I moved across the country to Virginia. I didn't really realize what I did until I was there. I missed my family!!! I couldn't believe that I just packed up and left. It was so hard, and although I don't regret it, I wonder what my life would be like if I told Brennan I wanted to stay in Utah. Would we of stayed together??? I remember sitting on the couch one day( in Virginia) when a commercial for the "Little Mermaid" DVD came on the TV. I started bawling. That was me... in my mind! I left my Dad (family) for my prince charming. It was the saddest thing ever! I cried and cried.

Five years later we moved to Arizona to work for Brennan sister in Kingman.  Basically it is a small cowboy town. No malls, no Target, not really even any restaurants. Most people that knew of it were just passing threw, and cant believe I would live there. I didn't care. I was so excited to be so much closer to my family! My sister-in-law asked if we wanted to come visit first to see if we liked it, and I said "No." I was leaving VA! We bought a house before we even put ours up for sale. Thankfully our house sold in 11 days and we had multiple offers so we were able to make a nice bit of $$$. Everything seemed to just fall into place.

I met a lot of people in Va that will always be a part of my life. I made friendships, Brennans family was there (which is why we moved there .) I was able to see how much the men and women in the military give up to keep us safe, and free. I saw the families of the soldiers, and all the emotions that go along with it.  I learned a lot about myself and what really matters to me.
At the same time,  I saw a whole different world that I never knew really existed. I grew up very sheltered. I am grateful for that. I don't think its a bad thing. I did need to see what the real world was like, and maybe that is why I wanted to leave so badly. The world is a scary place.  My Parents warm, cozy life they had made for me was safe and happy. While working as a book keeper at a grocery store, one of my co-workers was telling me about the "projects" and how they use shopping carts for BBQs. I had no idea what he was talking about. Projects???  I learned about racism, drugs, abuse, gangs, and a 14 year old that said he was bi-sexual. We heard gun shots at night, and would regularly see  prostitutes walking the streets. I felt so out of place. I might sound very naive, but I really was. I had no idea what was really out there. I know its everywhere. Even in my safe little Sandy Utah, but this was just so much, so fast. I was growing up... and that was hard.

I am very grateful for the childhood that I had. I hope to give Payton a childhood that he can look back on and feel warm, and cozy! My parents worked hard to take care of us, and although we didnt have a mansion, or millions of dollars, we never did without. Everyone in our neighborhood  new each other for blocks, and everyone watched out and took care of each other when we needed it. We had love. I didn't know that there were children out there that had no love.
I have been very blessed in my life.